Somewhere Between the Chaos and the Blessings
The other day I found myself thinking about where I was five years ago.
Not in a dramatic “look how far I’ve come” kind of way.
More in a “how on earth did we get here?” kind of way.
Five Years Ago, I Was Running on Hope
Five years ago, I had just bought my first house.
And when I say house, I mean a fixer-upper with more projects than common sense.
I remember walking through it imagining what it could become someday.
Truthfully, I think I saw a lot of myself in that house.
A little rough around the edges.
A lot of potential.
And in desperate need of some work.
Five years ago, I spent a lot of time hoping.
Hoping I could give my kids something better.
Hoping I could find a better job.
Hoping life would become a little more stable.
At the time, I was working a 6 a.m. to 1 p.m. job. Shortly after moving into my house, I got COVID. My kids were younger, and my oldest daughter was helping get her younger siblings ready for school while I rushed out the door every morning.
I hated having to ask that of her.
I remember feeling exhausted.
I remember worrying.
I remember wondering if I was doing enough.
I didn’t have some grand five-year plan.
I just had hope and a stubborn refusal to quit.
Life Had Other Plans
And if I’m being honest, I don’t think the version of me from five years ago would believe half of what was coming.
One of the biggest surprises started with a sarcastic comment.
I was working at a gas station on a Tuesday morning. The day before had been a holiday.
A customer walked in and said:
“Today is my Monday.”
Without even thinking, I replied:
“I’m working at the wrong place.”
I figured he’d laugh and keep walking.
Instead, he turned around and said:
“Why don’t you put your application in?”
So I did.
Three weeks later I had an interview.
For a while, I worked both jobs because nothing was guaranteed.
But eventually it turned into the opportunity I’d been hoping for.
Funny how life works sometimes.
The moments that change everything usually don’t arrive with a warning label.
Sometimes they show up on a random Tuesday morning while you’re being sarcastic.
Then there was meeting my husband.
If you had told me five years ago that the man I met that August would become such a big part of my life, I probably wouldn’t have believed you either.
Life has a funny way of introducing chapters before we’re ready to read them.
Dreams I Never Thought Would Happen
And then there’s fostering.
If teenage Jade could see that one, she’d probably think someone was joking.
Because fostering wasn’t a new dream.
It was an old one.
The kind of dream you quietly carry around for years because you aren’t sure it will ever actually happen.
Life gets busy.
Bills need paid.
Kids need raised.
Responsibilities pile up.
And sometimes dreams get placed on a shelf while you’re busy surviving.
Yet somehow, here I am.
Licensed.
Approved.
Waiting for a phone call that could change everything.
Even writing that feels strange.
Like… what do you mean I’m a foster parent?
Is this real life?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still impatiently waiting for that first placement call.
But sometimes I have to stop and remind myself that five years ago I wasn’t waiting for a placement.
I was still wondering if fostering would ever happen at all.
And somehow, one step at a time, I got here.
Somewhere between all of that, I started a blog.
A blog that began as a simple idea and somehow grew into a place where I share pieces of my life, my thoughts, my struggles, and my victories.
My daughter is preparing for college.
That one is still hard for me to wrap my head around.
It feels like yesterday she was little.
And now I’m helping her prepare for her next chapter.
I’m also considering starting my own business.
Five years ago, I don’t think I would have believed that either.
Looking Back for a Minute
Of course, life wasn’t all happy surprises.
There were hard seasons too.
Loss.
Heartbreak.
Stress.
Disappointment.
This past April, I lost my stepfather.
There have been moments over the last five years that I would never choose to relive.
But that’s the thing about life.
The beautiful moments and the painful ones often travel together.
Sometimes I get so focused on what’s next that I forget to stop and look behind me.
I forget that some of the things I once wished for are now sitting quietly in my everyday life.
And honestly?
That realization makes me emotional.
Because five years ago I wasn’t sure how a lot of this would turn out.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the better job.
I wasn’t sure I’d own a home.
I wasn’t sure fostering would happen.
I wasn’t sure life would feel different.
Yet here I am.
Do I still have unfinished projects?
Absolutely.
Do I still have dreams I’m chasing?
Of course.
Do I have everything figured out?
Not even close. 😆
But for the first time in a while, I stopped looking at how far I still have to go and looked at how far I’ve already come.
And honestly?
I’m a little proud of myself.
Not because everything worked out perfectly.
Not because I have all the answers.
But because I kept going.
So if life feels messy right now, if you’re still waiting on dreams, answers, or opportunities, don’t forget to look behind you once in a while.
You might be standing in the middle of things you once only hoped for.
And that’s a pretty amazing thing.
Until next time, have a blessed day. 💚